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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23689315">She Walks In Light (With a Savage Grace)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/improperprocedure/pseuds/improperprocedure'>improperprocedure</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Midsommar (2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon-Typical Behavior, F/M, First Fic!, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, Personal Growth, Post-Canon, we'll see where this goes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:15:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,514</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23689315</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/improperprocedure/pseuds/improperprocedure</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The world is a kaleidoscope of rust and gold and white-hot blue and all she can see is flames. Heat licks up to the sky and illuminates the air around her until it seems to vibrate. Strangely, she is cold. Strangely, she is calm. Even as she hears the last echos of screams, she remains serene, admiring the molecules of warmth that seem to wrap around her, admiring the color and smell of that sacred heat. </p><p>The flames creep closer, or maybe she does, until she feels the heat singe the fine hairs of her arms. I am luminous. I am invincible. she thinks, the weight of the fragrant flowers feeling righteous on her shoulders as she stands surrounded by chaos and death. The world is a kaleidoscope of rust and gold and white-hot blue and all she can feel is flames. </p><p>Or: After Christian burns, Dani is left in the wake of what she has done.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dani Ardor/Pelle (Midsommar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>48</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Ok... I NEVER post on AO3. Ever. I am a read and absorb and obsess kind of person, not a writer. But this quarantine has me getting desperate, especially since I watched Midsommar a week ago and read everything in the Dani/Pelle tag. IDK what it is about them or about Midsommar in general (Ari Aster, you are a worldbuilding master!!), but it actually pushed me to write. </p><p>Which was fun! I never write! I love doing it and I had a great time doing this, so hey, maybe you'll be seeing more of me here.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <b>Chapter 1</b> </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1"> <em>The world is a kaleidoscope of rust and gold and white-hot blue and all she can see is flames. Heat licks up to the sky and illuminates the air around her until it seems to vibrate. Strangely, she is cold. Strangely, she is calm. Even as she hears the last echos of screams, she remains serene, admiring the molecules of warmth that seem to wrap around her, admiring the color and smell of that sacred heat. </em> </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1"><em>The flames creep closer, or maybe she does, until she feels the heat singe the fine hairs of her arms. </em>I am luminous. I am invincible. <em>she thinks, the weight of the fragrant flowers feeling righteous on her shoulders as she stands surrounded by chaos and death. The world is a kaleidoscope of rust and gold and white-hot blue and all she can feel is flames. </em></span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">——————————————————————————————————————————</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Dani woke with a gasp she couldn’t hear, her breaths coming in quick heaving bursts. There was a loud echo thumping through the air, a pulsing beat so loud she couldn’t hear anything else. The tempo increased and was so acute she could feel her blood pulsing in time to the heavy bass <em>thump thump thump. </em>All around her there was blackness and that insistent echo, Dani felt as if she were drowning. Her panic rose and she panted harder, anxiety clawing its way up her throat until her lungs ached with the need for more oxygen. <em>Just like a fire. Always begging for more oxygen. </em>It was too much all at once and she thrashed and panted and clenched her fists over her ears, moaning in a feeble attempt to cover the <em>thump thump thump </em>with her own pained voice. Nothing worked and it was moments, minutes, hours, days (What is time anyway, especially in a place like this?) until she felt cool skin brush over her neck and arms wrap around her, caging her in. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Dani thrashed and huffed out what breaths she could, the touch too much for her overwhelmed senses, but the arms held her in, wrapped her up, and began to slowly rock her. The chest pressed against her back breathed deeply- she couldn’t hear it but she could feel the push and pull vibrate through her. A hand pressed firmly to her breastbone so she was plastered to this chest and could do nothing but <em>feel. </em>Slowly, achingly, the thumping lowered, the tightness in her chest eased, and Dani began to sense the world around her again.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cool fingers brushed against her neck, sweeping her hair away from her sweat-soaked neck and back and she felt warm breath on her on the cuff of her ear as a voice said, “Dani, breathe with me. All is well. Breath with me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She mimicked their breaths and relaxed into the hold. When she finally raised her head to get her bearings, she saw they were in the main house, sunlight streaming in (Though that didn’t tell her much for what time it was these days.). There were a few people quietly making beds and somewhere in the upper quarters, a baby cried. The hands that held her were strong and firm and they slowly released her, brushing against her arms before letting go. Dani turned and wasn’t surprised to see the crystalline eyes of Pelle shining back at her. He gave her a gentle smile that was free of judgment.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dani was struck by the look. She recalled the many times she had woke from nightmares in the months following her family’s deaths, blind with panic and unable to breathe. She remembered Christian waking her up from thrashing in bed and holding until she would cease panting and sobbing. He never said much and as soon as she calmed, he turned over to go back to sleep. She’d lay awake for the rest of the night, counting his breaths and counting herself lucky she had him.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>Do you feel held by him?</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">For a few long beats, they said nothing and shared the quiet of each other’s presence. Dani’s eyes traced the way the sun highlighted the strands of Pelle’s hair. In the stillness, she felt a tug at her heart and a rush of fondness sweep up through her. Her lips quirked up and she grabbed his hand. “Thank you,” she murmured. The words couldn’t possibly hold the full weight of her meaning, but Pelle understood. He covered her hand with his other one and bent to place a ghost of a kiss on her wrist.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Yesterday’s events couldn’t be ignored (was it really only yesterday? It felt like a lifetime ago and moments ago simultaneously) but for now they wouldn’t be addressed. Instead, they linked fingers and rose to join the others in whatever Midsommar festivities were happening today. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">——————————————————————————————————————————</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">After a few days, she thought she’d become used to seeing the idyllic practices of the Harga.<em>Or</em>, part of her thought darkly, <em>catch them before they’ve put on their act</em>, <em>like actors in a play</em>. That hadn’t happened and Dani smiled as she admired the little dance they did to wring out the laundry, the melodic pan flute that seemed to always be whistling in the background, the children all dressed in gauzy white, laughing and playing. It all seemed so unreal, so perfect, even knowing what she knows now of the savage side of the Harga people.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Somewhere in the back of Dani’s mind whispered that she <em>liked</em> that savagery. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Pelle lead her to the bathhouse at the edge of the clearing and she heard feminine giggles from the inside. He dropped her hand with a wink and left in the other direction with a murmured, “I’ll see you after, my May Queen.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She stood a moment longer and admired his retreating figure before a call in Swedish made her turn to face Karin, her dance partner from yesterday. <em>Yesterday. Time truly is warped here, </em>Dani thought. Karin gestured for Dani to enter with a knowing look that makes Dani’s cheeks heat fiercely. The bathhouse was steaming, with a communal tub and a row of showerheads on the edge being used by the women of the Harga. The elderly lounged in the tub and children splashed around with giggling shrieks while some women chased them gleefully with bars of soap. Karin showed her to a bench and began undressing. Dani flushed and turned around to avoid her nakedness and flushed again when she was met with the nakedness of other women as they undressed for their baths. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">With a bracing breath, Dani undressed as well, folding her clothes as Karin did on the bench and following her to the showerheads, hands covering her breasts and hunching to look at her feet. She attempted some modesty by turning away as they began to wash, but Karin had other ideas. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“This day of the festival is a calmer one. Today we reflect. It is a time to thank the goddess for her mercy and generosity.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dani looked over her shoulder at Karin, who casually lathered her body with soap as she spoke to Dani, her lithe body slick with bubbles. Dani reddened (again) and turned back to lathering herself as she thought. <em>Reflect. She could use some time to reflect. God knows she needed to think about all that had happened. </em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So we just… sit and think?” Dani asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She heard Karin hum before she said, “Not exactly. We will honor the goddess through meditation and prayer. We have already given her what she desires, now we must thank and be open to receiving her gifts.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Gifts?” Dani echoed, curious as to what gifts could possibly come out of what they had done. Flashes of flames that licked around Christian in the bearskin flickered across her eyes. She shuddered and pushed the image away. <em>Not now. Not here. </em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She will bestow the energies and insights of the earth into us if we are worthy. If our sacrifice has been met with approval.,” Karin said plainly, as if it were something obvious and not like a line straight out of a fantasy novel.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dani thought that, to Karin, this <em>was</em> obvious. Obvious and natural and normal. She had a breathless moment of amazement that the lives of the Harga were so vastly different and felt an odd tug at her heart at the realization that there were as many versions of the human experience as there were atoms in the body. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her reverie was broken as she heard Karin’s shower stop and realized she had been standing under the spray of water motionless, the soap long washed from her body. She hurried to turn off the shower and grab the towel Karin handed her. They walked back to the bench where their clothes were as Dani asked when the ceremony began, only to find that their clothes had been replaced by piles of white cloth. Since Karin didn’t seem too concerned, Dani plucked her pile from the bench and unwrapped it only to find another white dress with delicate embroidery on it, just as she had for yesterday’s dance.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This dress had a swooping neckline that was lined with intricate runes and flowers. She noticed the same runes from yesterday’s dress adorned this one as well, only they were reversed. An R and a sideways hourglass marked the center of the dress bodice. She wondered what they meant. As she slipped on the dress, Karin answered that they would begin after lunch and that they would go and help with food preparation after they dressed. The cool, smooth cotton fit like a glove and Dani wondered how they knew what size she was.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Karin spun her around with a grin and an utterance of “skön!” before they moved to a smaller room off to the side. There, she was met with a few other women she recognized from yesterday. They smiled and stood to greet her. <em>They sobbed with you. They groaned with you,</em> Dani thought as she returned hugs and smiles. Together, they readied their hair into intricate braids and wove delicate flowers through the strands. Girls giggled and gossiped and Dani felt a glow surround her. <em>Community. </em>When was the last time she felt like this? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">As they exited to head towards the kitchens, Dani saw a glimpse of herself in one of the mirrors off to the side. She paused to take in her figure, shocked at how natural she looked dressed as a Harga. She felt light and feminine and powerful. Dani smiled and walked out into the light.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">——————————————————————————————————————————</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cooking with the Harga had become one of Dani’s favorite things about the commune. People laughed and hummed as they worked and Dani could stick to one task- kneading bread today- instead of frantically flitting about making sure nothing was burning. Ordinarily, cooking was a chore for Dani. Not only did it consume time she’d rather spend reading a good book, it just seemed to elude her capabilities. Cooking required preparation, timing, and just plain finesse- things she most definitely did not have. But with the Harga, cooking was almost therapeutic<em>. </em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She loved being surrounded by others, loved creating something out of what a just been plucked from the ground, loved the simplicity and ease with which it all seemed to come together. At the end of the preparation, Dani was almost sad to be done.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That was soon forgotten when she spotted Pelle arranging cutlery on the table (she noticed it was in the shape of an F today). He looked up at her as she approached with her basket of bread and stopped what he was doing. Dani did not miss the way his eyes roamed her body and felt herself glow with feminine power.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“You look beautiful today, Dani,” Pelle said and Dani felt his fingers ghost across the neckline of the back of her dress as she bent to set her basket on the table. She shivered at the touch and bit back a grin, turning her head to see his eyes bright on her face. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Bolstered by her time with the women today and her private acknowledgment of her beauty earlier in the bathhouse, Dani gave Pelle a coy smile and flirted her fingers across the opening of his tunic, whispering in his ear as she went by, “I know.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">As she made her way back to the kitchen to grab another basket of bread, she grinned at the feel of his eyes on her retreating figure.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1"><em>Hard to believe just this morning you were a mess in his arms, </em>Dani thought to herself and smiled at the woman who handed her another basket of bread. She recalled her psyche courses that cited the primitive survival patterns children develop in response to trauma and the changeable environment of youth. Your ability to adapt and bounce back from situations is formed in your life as a child. She remembers Terri as a girl, beautiful and fierce, sticking up for Dani on the playground, Terri in middle school pinning Dani down on the bathroom floor and trying to cut Dani’s throat, Terri screaming and thrashing in Dani’s grasp, Terri sending books in the mail with her notes in the margins. There was no one more changeable than Terri. Dani loved her fiercely despite her savagery but knew that her ability to cope came directly from dealing with her sister.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">As everyone made their way to the table, the last of the food being set out, Dani found herself beside Pelle, their arms close but not touching. She could feel the air charged between them. The hairs on her arms stood up and her breath hitched at the feeling. So focused was she on this palpable connection, it took her a few beats to sit down with the rest. She snuck a peek at Pelle, only to find him gazing at her with his piercing eyes. His eyes smiled at her and his pinky brushed her hand where it lay beside his own before he turned and began eating. She watched his strong hands rip a chunk of bread, his lips wrap around his fingers as he ate. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Du kommer att bli hungrig om du fortsätter att stira,” a voice to her left laughed and Pelle chuckled along with her, breaking Dani’s daze. She frowned and turned to see Hanna, the woman who had clutched Dani’s face as she wailed yesterday. Hanna winked and turned to her meal, so Dani looked to Pelle, who was still chuckling. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She says that you will go hungry if you keep staring,” he said with mirth. Dani flushed and looked down at the soup and bread she and the others had prepared. She ripped a chunk of the bread and dipped it in, pretending to savor the taste to mask her embarrassment. It actually did taste good and she felt a sense of pride for the part she had played in today’s meal. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It had been a long time since she had been a part of something.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">At that, Dani frowned. When <em>was</em> the last time she had felt that way? Try as she might, Dani couldn’t think of a concrete time in her life where she felt like she belonged<em>. </em>Dani wasn’t the type to join sororities or collect friends the way she collected books so she knew there wouldn’t many instances of belonging, but she was shocked that she could recall <em>none. </em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>Does he make you feel like home?</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Had anyone made her feel like home? Even her own family, Dani was begrudged to admit, had not felt like home but rather like a fall-back vessel, a net of pseudo-safety (For nothing was really truly safe and calm and well in the Ardor house. Terri, though Dani loved her, saw to that.). Christian had felt like a substitute for that pseudo-safety net in the later part of their relationship. No, nothing in her life pointed to home. It shook Dani to the core and she sank lower in her seat.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A burst of laughter down the table broke her from her reverie and she glanced up. Pelle turned to her and explained a joke about a young boy who was about to go off on his pilgrimage. He bumped her shoulder with his own and grinned down at her. Dani unconsciously leaned into the warmth of the moment and smiled back up at him. There was a stirring in her heart as she looked back at the boy, who was receiving pats on the back and good-natured ribbing from those around the table. The same feeling as she kneaded dough, as she wailed with the women, as she danced around the maypole. This feeling… she’d been struck with it since she stepped through the sun gate at Harga.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It felt a lot like belonging. It felt a lot like home. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter: They celebrate the goddess and Dani learns some things.... :)</p><p>So hope you all enjoyed! Like I said earlier, I had a great time writing this but who knows where this story is going to go. I'm running on pure instinct here!</p><p>I made Terri a bit of a touchy part of Dani's life, but I just want to say that I have a few friends who are bipolar and I know that most of them do not have behavior as exaggerated as I have made Terri. That isn't to say it's out of the ordinary, because it isn't. One of my friends, whom I love dearly, is very much as I describe Terri. I just wanted to tie together the way Dani reacts to life with the Harga with how she reacted to life before she met them.</p><p> </p><p>A few things about this chapter: I am using google translate for my Swedish (forgive me, it's all I have) and I googled some of the runes from the movie and the Elder Futhark runes they discuss in the movie and I've based the runes I mention on that.... The runes on Dani's dress when she dances under the maypole are the Raido and Dagaz runes, but they've been reversed. Which changes their meanings from Journey/Destiny (Raido) to Death and Dawn/Awareness (Dagaz) to Ending/Hopelessness. I thought that was neat, so in this chapter, Dani's dress now has the regular runes on it, symbolizing her coming journey does not have as much death and violence! Also the rune that the table is in the shape of is called Ansuz, which symbolizes Insight and Wisdom. That'll come into play in the next chapter! :)</p><p>Depending on how much I'm itching to get another chapter out of my brain, I might have chapter 2 up by Monday!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Fair warning, I know nothing about midsummer traditions and I’m just letting my mind go crazy (it's been a great way to entertain myself during this quarantine). </p><p>Please drop a comment below if you have any fun ideas for a day theme for Midsommar. We’ve got five more days left in the festival!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">After the meal, Siv rose and the table grew hushed and expectant. She peered down at the faces of her family and Dani saw what she thought might be fondness in her eyes. When Siv locked eyes with Dani, it gleamed with knowledge and made her gut clench with nerves. She felt a brush on her wrist and glanced down to see Pelle stroking her hand. His eyes remained on Siv as she spoke, but part of his focus always seemed to be on Dani, she noticed. It brought her comfort, a balm to the rush of anxiety she felt.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Together we have gathered. We have offered and sacrificed and honored our great goddess. We have personified her, in our May Queen,” At that, her eyes held Dani’s again and she felt a few nudges and grins from the people who surrounded her at the table. “Now, we contemplate her glory and generosity and beseech her gift to walk in the light.” At that, she rose her arms skyward and began to hum a haunting melody. She turned and made her way towards the woods at the far side of the commune. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">All around Dani, people began to hum the dirge and everyone rose to follow Siv. Pelle looked at her, smiled, and held out his hand. She took it and turned to follow as well, mimicking Pelle’s hand movements (elbows out and hands forming a circular shape raised to his chest). </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She recalled Karin’s excitement at receiving the “gifts” of the goddess and a sharp pang of anxiety coursed through her again. Dani figured she was safe from slaughter after they had burned the temple, but a frisson of doubt coursed through her as they all slipped into the woods. <em>Receiving gifts does not equate to ritual sacrifice</em>, Dani reminded herself and peeked at Pelle again. He was calm beside her, with a gentle smile gracing his luminous face. No, Dani decided, recalling the effort with which they had cared for her, the joy they had as they crowned her. They wouldn’t do that. <em>He</em> wouldn’t do that. Would he?</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">As if he heard her thoughts, Pelle turned to Dani, stopping her in her tracks. They were in the woods now, so densely shaded it felt more like dusk than mid-afternoon. His face was open and joyful and he took Dani’s hands in his and pressed his forehead to hers, still humming the haunting tune. “You are safe,” he whispered, “I can’t wait to share this experience with you, Dani.” She leaned into his touch and soaked up his words.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1"> <em>He wouldn’t do that. Trust that, trust </em></span> <span class="s2"> <em>him</em> </span> <span class="s1">. </span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">For a few long moments, they just stood in each other’s silence, as they had this morning after she woke from her nightmare. Dani liked this new habit they seemed to have. It made her feel close to him. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When her nerves calmed, she finally looked up at him and gave a small nod. They made their way towards the rest of the Hårga and sat down with them all. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There seemed to be no particular shape or pattern to where people sat. There were a few loose circles of people, with children piled into adults’ laps. Some faced back to back, side by side, or towards each other, but most were sitting alone with their hands at their sides, faces relaxed and open. Pelle steered Dani towards the back and sat down. She decided to face him and he took her hands in his own, briefly touching foreheads with her again, before turning to Siv. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Siv’s humming had not ceased, though the rest of the Hårga’s voices had dimmed or stopped. Her voice rose until she began speaking rapidly in Swedish, her voice harsh and feral. She spoke so swiftly and gravely that Dani could not understand. Her voice rose and fell, but never lost its crackling intensity. Dani felt a cool gust of wind pass over them, so unlike the balmy breeze that had greeted Dani the past few days at Hårga. It made her spine straighten and her skin prickle with awareness. Something had shifted. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Pelle leaned in and whispered to Dani that Siv had beseeched the goddess’s will to open them up if they were worthy, to fill them with her divine energy and bless the land and people of Hårga. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Siv stopped abruptly and opened her eyes, scanning the crowd. Without warning, everyone took a steeling ceremonial breath- that harsh, quick exhale-inhale Dani had performed prior to the maypole dance. She looked to Pelle whose eyes were already on her. He nodded and together, they took the breath. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Pelle closed his eyes and tightened his fingers over hers. He whispered that she would need to concentrate on her surroundings deeply, being conscious and open to the energies of the earth. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dani was reminded of their first day in the meadow, high on mushrooms and Pelle saying, <em>Can you feel that? The energy coming up from the earth. Look. The trees too, they’re breathing. Nature just knows instinctually how to stay in harmony. Everything just mechanically doing its part. </em></span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She recalled the grass growing up through her hands and the shimmery movement of the trees as the wind blew through the branches. She had felt the pulse of the ground beneath her just as Pelle had described and it had been glorious before Mark had mentioned the word <em>family. </em></span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dani frowned at the memory but followed Pelle’s lead and closed her eyes, trying to concentrate on her surroundings. She felt Pelle’s hands, warm and calloused in her own smaller ones and the wind, still colder than normal, pushing strands of her hair across her forehead and the solidness of the earth where she sat. She smelled the dainty scent of the flowers crowning her head and the spicy, earthy scent of Pelle and the dry, verdant smell of soil and underbrush of the forest around her. She heard Pelle’s deep slow breaths and the faint buzz of insects and chirping of birds and the rustle of leaves. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dani was no stranger to meditation. It was a significant part of her daily routine, as recommended by her therapist to keep her anxiety down. She knew how to clear her mind and sit in silence, but she’d never had to concentrate after sacrificing someone to die a horrible death and never had to meditate for such an auspicious reason. It was distracting. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wondered how well this would work. After all, she hadn’t ingested any drugs this time. As far as she was aware, everyone was meditating with clear minds. How would she feel the earth and its energies if she wasn’t under the influence? Every other time something mystically new had happened to Dani here, she’d drank some sort of tea or sniffed some sort of herb that had knocked down her defenses and left her wading through a haze of absent awareness. Now it was just her as she was. Would it be special? Would it work?</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">As if sensing her wandering mind, Pelle squeezed her hands, a gentle reminder to concentrate. She took a deep breath and tried to clear away stray thoughts, imagining each burning up until the thoughts were no more than ashes in her hands.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her concentration broke often, fidgeting as her frustration mounted. She would have to start the whole process over of burning away the excess thoughts and scattering the ashes to the wind. Any time she felt discouraged though, Pelle squeezed her hands, his eyes never opening and his body still and calm. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Finally, though her mind began to quiet, lulled by Pelle’s breathing and the warmth of his hands. Dani sank into the weightless feeling of nothingness, at peace. She sat in emptiness for an indeterminable amount of time, her body relaxing into steady inhales and exhales, opening and closing like a blooming flower. So lost was she in the sensation that she didn’t notice the ground began to vibrate beneath her. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was subtle and sort of pulsed to the timing of her breaths. The rustling of the leaves began to sound like whispers and her skin tingled when the wind brushed against it. All at once, it felt like the earth was speaking to her, telling her a secret only she could interpret. Her breathing didn’t change pace, but it grew deeper and she noticed the scents of the forest were sharper, more alive. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The buzzing of the ground rose through her steadily until Dani felt as if she were gently vibrating on the wavelength of something formidable. She was rising and falling with the energy, floating away in the feeling. Dani no longer heard Pelle’s breaths or felt his hands in her own. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Distantly, in a far-reaching corner of her mind, she felt it would be practical right now to panic. But Dani felt so at peace, so at one with the world around her, that she unconsciously burned the thought and added the ashes to the wave of wind she rode skyward. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was no longer a person, but a bundle of energy that swept above the Hårga. She could see herself holding Pelle’s hands, could see Siv humming with her arms raised above her. There were people sitting and laying, all eyes closed and breathing synced. She felt their energies pulsing with the earth, pulsing with <em>her</em> and she wanted to laugh at the beauty of it. Dani felt their connections, their emotions, their <em>blood</em> rushing through their veins, every single one of them. She felt the sun sending down heat and the leaves absorbing it. She felt the energy flow through the trees and into the earth. <em>The trees too, they’re breathing. Nature just knows instinctually how to stay in harmony. </em></span>
</p><p class="p3"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her spirit felt light and free. She was joyous in her discovery. So <em>this</em> is what Karin had meant by gifts. She laughed and saw it float into the air. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dani kept going, kept floating on the wave of connection, feeling the hum of the earth in her veins alighting her into ecstasy. She had never felt this free, this boundless. It was as if she were simultaneously nothing and everything all at once. She <em>was</em> the earth. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Floating wasn’t enough for Dani soon though. She felt drunk on this power, this <em>connection</em> that she dove down deep into the ground, riding on the roots of the trees that surrounded the Hårga. There, she saw the roots of something other than trees. Her spirit searched and saw it was glowing fissures of energy sinking down from each person meditating around her. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She reached out and brushed against one, it twanged like a string on a guitar and above, someone gasped. Dani peered at the root, taking in its glowing form. An idea began to form in her subconscious. Without realizing, Dani floated through the mass of roots, searching for one in particular. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was a testament to the connection she felt with Pelle that she immediately recognized his soul’s root system. She saw his was deeply rooted and had begun to spread to her own figure still prone on the ground, clutching Pelle’s hands. Dani peered at a strand and gently caressed it. To her surprise, she heard Pelle groan above her, his body clenched and muscles straining. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She reached out and touched the root closest to her own, feeling its pulse. Pelle’s jaw tightened and he hunched over, emitting another low moan. Dani flinched back, afraid she’d hurt him. She watched as his body tipped towards hers, his forehead brushing against her knees as he recovered. Distantly, she felt the warmth of his forehead on her spiritual being and smiled. Maybe it didn’t hurt him then if she didn’t feel any pain? </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dani moved toward’s Pelle’s body, abandoning the pulsing root system beneath them. From where she hovered, she could see his chest rise and fall rapidly and noticed the high flush on his cheeks. Slowly, carefully, Dani reached out and stroked her corporal hand over his cheek. He shivered and she noticed the pulse in his root system thicken. She glided her hands down his chest, feeling the planes rise and fall with his breaths, admiring his muscles that clenched at her ghostly touch.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So enraptured in her observation of Pelle was she that Dani didn’t notice at first when the air around them began to vibrate intensely. A low buzz began to sound around them and Dani glanced up to find that the trees were glowing and the ground shimmered like a mirage. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The buzzing soon increased and the earth grew brighter until it was so loud and bright, Dani could no longer see or hear anything. She was blind.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dani felt panic well in her gut but found it did not course through her as it normally would. She felt a wall between her anxiety and her awareness and could only take in the bright nothingness around her with a distant calmness so unfamiliar to her. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Amidst the bright white nothingness, Dani hovered. She did not fear. In fact, she felt very little of anything, only distantly present. It was in this place she felt a presence.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Later, when Dani would be brave enough to try and recall this moment, she would not be able to distinctly describe what it was she saw (for it was the only thing in this white nothingness she <em>could</em> see). It wasn’t a figure, a person, or anything really. It just <em>was</em>. It loomed over her and she cowered in fear. This <em>thing </em>was pure power and it terrified her to think what it would do to her. She knew this wasn’t something she was supposed to be witnessing. It was too great, too much for someone such as herself. The closer it got, the more her very being began to vibrate. Her molecules were moving so fast she felt as if she was being ripped open. Every corner of her mind and body cracked open to see and examine. All the wonderful and shameful thoughts she’d ever had on display, her nerves exposed, smarting in pain. In an attempt to keep herself from exploding into trillions of atoms, she crumpled into fetal position and began to scream. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dani couldn’t tell how long she lay there writhing in pain. It could have been seconds or hours for time did not seem to exist where she was and the pain was so blindingly <em>present </em>that she couldn’t focus on anything but the sensation of her body incinerating from the inside out. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She felt the presence wash over her form eventually and the pain grew if that was even possible, coursing through her body to concentrate at the base of her forehead, between her brows. A bloody scream ripped through Dani and she threw her eyes open at the sensation only to find she was no longer blind. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Through the pain, Dani <em>saw. </em>She saw every person in the clearing, every animal, every tree and blade of grass alive and connected. She saw the synapses that wove through them, the giving and taking of energy and the exchange of feeling and emotion threaded through each person and living thing, like a web of life itself. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dani looked down at her own form and followed the glowing strand coming out of her ribs to Pelle. There were fainter strands on her, she saw. Many were faded and hung limp around her, but some carried over to some of the Hårga. The strands she saw there were so thickly intertwined between them all, she could not make out who was connected to whom. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Another searing stab of pain shot through her forehead interrupted her wonder. Dani shrieked in agony, curling up again and squeezing her eyes closed. The pain grew so intense she felt herself splinter apart and shatter into pieces and the world went black. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">——————————————————————————————————————————</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When finally the pain lessened into a dull throb she cracked opened her eyes and saw Pelle looking down at her. He sat above her, hands hovering but not touching her form, as if afraid to touch her. His face was pinched with worry as he looked her over. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dani’s breathing began to come in short pants and tears fell down her cheeks, glazing her eyes, so that Pelle’s face swam before her. She blinked them away and saw that he was also crying.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Pelle, <em>Pelle,</em>” Dani gasped, her hands searching for him. He caught her and pulled her in a fierce embrace, one hand clutching the back of Dani’s head and the other around her waist, pulling her tightly against him. She tucked her head into the crook of his neck and breathed harshly, her hands fisting his shirt. “What <em>was</em> that,” She asked after a few moments. She couldn’t look at him, couldn’t let go of him to see his face as he responded. Dani needed to feel that she was back on solid ground and nothing grounded her quite as Pelle did. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That was the goddess,” he said soberly.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But- but,” The words wouldn’t come out, yet Pelle seemed to understand (he always seemed to understand).</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We were not worthy of receiving the goddess before. It is why we made our sacrifice yesterday. We burnt away our impurities. We were <em>cleansed</em> and primed to receive her intuition because of it,” Pelle remarked, soothing his hands down her arms. His forehead came to rest against hers and she felt the burn on her forehead pulse heavily as he did so. She flinched. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Like the afterimage you see when you close your eyes after staring at something for too long, Dani could almost <em>see</em> the shape of the burn on her forehead, though she knew instinctually that it would be free of any mark. It was in the shape of an F but downward slanting. <em>Like the table this morning, </em>she thought<em>. </em>Dani wondered what it meant and looked at Pelle in frightened wonderment. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ah, your rune. Yes, I nearly forgot. Mine hurt at first, too, though I was only a boy when I first got mine.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“My <em>rune?</em> Pelle, what is going on? What the fuck just happened to me,” Dani exclaimed, scrambling up from their embrace and backing away. People had already begun to get up and walk out of the clearing, some holding hands smiling, some crying and being comforted by others but some still sat with their eyes closed, humming that haunting dirge. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It amazed her that she could still be shocked by them. <em>Apparently I can deal with a sacrificial pagan cult, but mystical out-of-body experiences are another thing entirely</em>. Dani had felt loved this morning, had begun to think of them as her family. She wanted the communal baking, the bevy of girls giggling together, the eternal sun warming her back, even the bathhouse was charming in its own way. She wanted all this, wanted to settle in and <em>belong. </em>But this… this was beyond her. Beyond what she thought she’d gotten herself sucked into.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Dani, I- please let me explain,” Pelle said, reaching for her. She stepped away and spun around, searching for an exit. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"><em>I have to get out of here, </em>Dani thought desperately. <em>I can't be here right now. I have to get out of here. I have to leave</em>. She spotted a small pathway in the corner, overgrown from disuse. Dani caught one last look at Pelle’s forlorn face before she ran. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Folks I may be overdoing it with the forehead touching but I can't stop myself. It is my absolute favorite trope! We learned a bit more about this “goddess” the Hårga worship in this chapter and as I said earlier, I am basing this solely off what I am thinking up and not at all based on midsummer traditions. I think it’s kind of in line with the movie’s vibes, only with WAY more mysticism sprinkled in. I think I’ve been watching a lot of fantasy recently, so my brain is skewing towards anything out of the realm of ordinary (if you can even classify cults as ordinary lol).</p><p>I know this chapter didn’t have the same warm feeling to it as the last one, but I promise we’ll get it back! Dani has just been introduced to something quite new and it’s going to take her a while to get back to that good place she was in.</p><p>I am SO flattered at the attention this fic has gotten and I literally squeal and hug myself every time I see one of you has left a message. Thank you all, it encourages me to keep writing like you would not believe!</p><p>Next chapter, we get to delve into Siv’s character a bit more (I find her fascinating) and we get a peek at Pelle’s POV! Hoping to have this up by Thursday or Friday!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry, this took a little longer to update than expected! I had to do some major plot reworking after I went crazy and introduced this whole fantasy aspect to the Harga. This was supposed to be a simple story about home and found family and turned into… I mean it’s still essentially that but we’ve added quite a few more elements on top of that. I think it’s going to be a much more fulfilling and spiritual story than what I originally had in mind, so I’m stoked about that. :)</p>
<p>Anyway, thank you for your patience and readership! Just the fact that any of you are reading this is such a compliment- thanks for all the love and encouragement! It’s been a blast so far!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Though the sun never seemed to set here, the sky still turned dusky pinks and golds as it sank lower in the sky. Dani admired the hazy glow the sunset departed onto the earth and tried not to think of what had just happened a few hours before. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She had run.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dani was ashamed at that and wished she was a stronger person, someone who could deal with these changes and take them with relish. She wasn’t built for this. She was built for taking the abuse of her sister and her boyfriend. <em>Ex-boyfriend now. Or… well dead boyfriend I guess, </em>Dani thought darkly. <em>Dead sister now too. </em></span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The things that made her who she was seemed to be decaying before her. Who <em>was</em> she without the worry and pain brought on by Christian and Terri? All her life, Terri had been the source of her constant thought until she’d met Christian four years ago. Suddenly, there was a new person to obsess over and dote on. Another person it seemed impossible to please. Dani wasn’t used to being so present in her own mind. Not used to being put first, as she had been for the past few days here in Hårga. It set her teeth on edge. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She thought too of Pelle, of the lost look he’d given her as she’d turned away and scrambled further into the woods. <em>Maybe I could have let him explain.</em> What good would it have done though? She’d still be upset, still be lost in her new knowledge, still be carrying around these demons. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was so much to think on and so much she’d rather forget. How does anyone move forward after something like this? Tears gathered in her eyes again at her overwhelming thoughts and she let them fall. The salty trails hit the soil and as each one landed, her forehead gave a faint pulse. Was this what would happen now? Would she ever escape this new… thing? This new knowledge? </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She began to cry in earnest, her forehead growing hot as she struggled to breathe through the tears. Dani pounded her fists into the ground and wailed, wishing it would all just <em>go away.</em> </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Exhaustion crept in as her tears salted the earth and she finally, blissfully, slipped into sleep.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">——————————————————————————————————————————</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Pelle sighed and hung his head, berating himself for not telling her more. He knew she would be more receptive to the goddess’ presence the less she knew about today’s ceremony, but it still made him feel rotten. <em>I shouldn’t have misled her so, I should have given her something</em>, Pelle thought, still sitting where Dani had left him.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He recalled what Siv had told him months ago in a letter. It was after Dani’s family had perished and all he wanted was to go to her and wrap her up in warmth and love the way he knew Christian was not. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"><em>Follow your intuition, Pelle. Your gifts were given for a reason but they cannot be useful to you unless you find restraint and listen to what they are telling you.</em> <em>Your heart is not the gift that was bestowed. </em></span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His ability to intuit was a blessing, Pelle knew. It brought him the perfect sacrifices for Midsommar. It brought him to <em>her. </em>He knew too that it was the only reason he had gotten this far, acknowledging that if he was more like his brother Ingemar, Dani would have burned in the temple fire as well. <em>I might have decided to burn too.</em></span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Gathering himself up from the ground, he approached Siv, who waited by the entrance to the clearing with a knowing look on her face. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It is to be expected, my son.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He knew it as well, had recalled his own first time meeting the goddess, but still grimaced. “I feel,” he paused, unsure how to put his roiling emotions into words. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Guilty,” Siv supplied and nodded, laying a hand on his shoulder. “Yes, I thought you might but consider this: she would have never been cleansed and blessed if you had done it any other way.” </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He nodded and she smiled at him, raising her hand to his cheek. “Go to her.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He found her in a field of flowers and despite his guilt, he smiled at the sight. Dani lay curled on her side, asleep. Her cheeks were tracked with salty lines and her hair was set aglow by the setting sun. She was a vision, even in her exhaustion. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It reminded Pelle of the day he first saw her.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">——————————————————————————————————————————</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was the first week of term and Pelle was still reeling from all the changes his life had taken since leaving Hårga. The streets were packed and though the weather was warm like it had been before he’d left Sweden a few weeks ago, the air was thick with the sour metallic smells of the city. Everything moved too fast, sounded too loud, felt too artificial and it was wearing on Pelle’s nerves. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He knew this pilgrimage was guided by purpose and Pelle had been as shocked as his brothers and sisters when he’d chosen New York City as his pilgrimage site. Pelle was a homebody and felt most at peace in nature. As Pelle swiped his hair back from his sweaty neck, he reminded himself that there must be a good reason for choosing this gray wasteland.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Deciding he needed a bit of home, Pelle searched for a parcel of land that was green and open to relax in. Maybe he’d sketch and document his time here. Pelle felt nothing could capture a memory quite like a sketch. A photo was ephemeral, but a drawing took time to render and required him to commit the details from his mind to the page. He found a spot under a shade tree in the courtyard on campus and settled in to sketch his surroundings. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Pelle’s hand ran absently across the page, flitting from the buildings around him to the people walking to class. He smiled at the sight, glad he had found a slice of peace in the whirlwind of the city.Pelle’s eyes fell upon a figure basking in the sun and he felt his heart lurch at the sight. A woman bathed in the sunlight stretched across a threadbare blanket on her stomach, propped up on her elbows to read a book. He trailed his eyes across her lush curves and admired the way her hair glinted in the light. Pelle was struck at the sight of her, a lone, serene figure enjoying the little pleasures of life while the world rushed by her. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His hand began to sketch furiously across the page, his intrigue pouring out until he had rendered her nearly complete. The only thing left was to capture the wistful, tranquil smile on her face. At that, Pelle took his time. It was an open face and he liked that he could see her expression change as she read. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sooner than he’d like, she got up to leave and Pelle watched her saunter away, the soft, content smile on her face never falling as she turned out of the courtyard. He sat there a moment longer, absorbing her presence and acknowledging the odd way he had been struck by her. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Weeks later, that smile would still be dear in his mind. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Not a month later, Pelle had met Christian at the anthropology start-of-term party and had nearly choked on the drink he’d been lingering on for the past hour when <em>she</em> wrapped her arms around Christian from behind. The group of anthropology grad students and professors had been discussing past research trips they had taken when she’d approached. Pelle knew the goddess was at work when she smiled up at him guilelessly and introduced herself as Christian’s girlfriend, Dani. Christian brushed her off, muttering quietly, but loud enough for Pelle to hear, “babe, can’t you see I’m in the middle of a conversation? I mean I’m trying to network but whose gonna remember anything I said if you come over?.” It came out of his mouth as if he were paying her a compliment, but Pelle knew Dani heard the undertones of admonishment when Dani wilted at Christian’s words. Pelle seethed silently. The flash of her smile that day in the courtyard burned across his memory and he clenched his fists. He had already scoped Christian out as a possible candidate from the first five minutes of their conversation but now found Christian a doubly more enticing sacrifice after watching him dismiss Dani so completely.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">——————————————————————————————————————————</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">After one last look at her sleeping figure, Pelle carefully gathered Dani up in his arms, hoping not to disturb her sleep, and began the journey back to the main house. Though she never woke, she buried her head in his chest and his heart gave a thump as he heard her give a contented sigh. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Pelle laid her in his bed and watched her rest. When her eyes finally opened, he sighed in relief. Pelle stroked her hair from her face as her clear green eyes looked back up at him. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry,” he murmured, stroking a finger down her cheek. “I should have prepared you.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They stared at one another in weighted silence for a long moment. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How… how can I go back to the way things used to be now,” Dani implored, her eyes welling with tears. Pelle’s heart lurched and he took her hands in his own. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know, <em>älskling.</em> All I know is that you belong here, with us, with <em>me</em>.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">At that, Dani bowed her head and he felt tears hit their hands. Pelle leaned forward and kissed her hair, hoping to convey his sorrow and his need for her to <em>not leave him</em>. They sat there, in dual states of lost despair, until Dani’s tears had stopped. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Siv wanted to speak with you. She will be able to answer your questions. I can take you to her when you’re ready,” he finally said, breaking the silence. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dani looked up and Pelle stroked another finger around her eye, noting the dark circles, wishing he could do more. “Do I have to?”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He smiled sadly. “I think it would help.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She stared at him with her limpid jade eyes, face drawn in exhaustion, but open, <em>always so open</em>. After a long beat, she nodded her assent and hand-in-hand, they made their way to Siv’s house where the woman herself waited outside with a serene smile on her sage face. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Pelle turned to Dani when they reached the foot of the stairs to Siv’s house and gave her hand a squeeze. He turned to go but felt Dani’s hand tighten on his own before he was lurched forward into her warm embrace. Pelle glowed and wrapped himself around her, his anxiety lessening with every second of them connected.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They broke apart and Dani turned to climb up the stairs. Before she went in, she turned and gave Pelle the same smile she’d had on her face the day he’d first laid eyes on her. It made his soul sing. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">——————————————————————————————————————————</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry you had to experience your first encounter with the goddess like that,” Siv said plainly as they entered her house. She gave her a gentle smile over her shoulder and led Dani through a room of black and white pictures and into a plain living space, complete with two floor cushions, a small fire pit between them, and a skylight overhead. She gestured for Dani to sit and when they were both comfortable, she took Dani’s hands in her own leathery ones. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I should have talked with you before the sacrifice, as was intended before you saw Maja and Christian’s coupling. Alas, the goddess willed it not. Still, this must have been very jarring for you,” Siv said. Dani could only stare and absorb the words she was saying before she recalled Hanna directing Dani to Siv’s house after she had blessed the crops the day she was crowned May Queen. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">
    <em>It’s a special meeting, only for the Queens and she will bless you.</em>
  </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I too was May Queen once,” Siv said, knocking Dani out of her memory. She turned a shocked look to Siv, who chuckled at the expression before going on. “Yes, when I was twenty-two. It was a strong summer that year, but full of tempests. As we prayed to the goddess, it rained and stormed around us but I saw with my third eye the calmness of the moment. While it raged outside, our souls hummed as one and I knew what my gift was. Truth. The truth of spirit. Afterward, I was so shocked and scared I ran away and got lost in the woods I grew up in. I was a stranger in my own home until the elders found me and took me up and held me. I was prepared for what would happen during meditation from my meeting with our spiritual elder at the time, Alva, but I could not know what it truly meant until I had received my gift.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Siv’s hands tightened on Dani’s and she looked deep into Dani’s eyes. “I grew up in Hårga. I grew up praying to the goddess and feeling the pulse of the earth and still I was shaken by the truth I was given. You, who knows nothing of this world, have truly been shaken. It is overwhelming for even us and I see, with the gift I was given that day, that you have questions and your foundation for the meaning of life itself has been rocked. Please, speak now and I will guide you.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">For a long time, they sat in silence. Dani, absorbing what Siv had said and recalled her experience and subsequent conversation with Pelle. Siv looked at Dani, reading her Truth and waiting with the knowledge it would all come out. Finally, after an indeterminable amount of time (though Dani noticed it was darker in the room now and glanced up through the skylight to see the sky had turned to amethyst), she looked back at Siv and spoke. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I-I saw….,” How could Dani describe the frightening presence that had taken root in her spirit at the time? Was there really any description that would capture the overpowering <em>thing</em> that she witnessed? “It was powerful. Bright. Overwhelming,” she said lamely. It wasn’t enough, but Siv nodded sagely.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The goddess. She came to you. It is because you completed the ritual cleansing as May Queen yesterday. You were pure and open to the influence. Naturally, she sought you out,” Siv said simply. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">
    <em>What the </em>
  </span>
  <span class="s2">
    <em>fuck</em>
  </span>
  <span class="s1"><em>,</em> Dani thought. A goddess? Come to her? It wasn’t real- it was too much. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What about my rune,” Dani asks abruptly, interrupting Siv’s explanation of the goddess. Dani didn’t think she could handle the idea she had been in the presence of something as ancient as terrifying as that. Better to have simpler questions answered now, though how simple an explanation of a <em>rune</em> on her forehead was, Dani didn’t know. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Siv didn’t seem to mind the interruption and took the question with grace. “Ah, Pelle has explained to you your rune?”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, no. Not exactly,” Dani answered, thinking back to her running away, leaving Pelle before he could answer her. A twang of guilt shot through her at leaving him there, the bereft look on his face. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What is the shape, child,” Siv asked as she pulled out a book from the shelf behind her. She brought it over to Dani and opened to a page with symbols all over it. It took a moment for Dani to spot it as she noticed the runes that had adorned her dresses and the maypole on the page. She pointed to the downward flexing F though, resolving that if the answer to this question was satisfactory (and doesn’t send her into another tailspin of panic), she’ll ask Siv what the others mean too. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“<em>Ansuz.</em> Traditionally it represents insight and wisdom. It can also represent truth and communication. This is a common rune to receive from the goddess, though the exact nature of your gift may not represent all of these descriptions,” Siv said, smiling down at Dani. She closed the book and set it down, taking a seat beside Dani and putting a gentle hand on her arm. “My rune is also an Ansuz, as is Pelle’s. Though we share the same rune, our gifts are different. Yours too will differ. Each gift the goddess disposes is unique.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Pelle said he was given his gift as a boy.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, a rarity, even for us spiritually-connected Hårga. It is not often we are bestowed our gifts so young,” Siv responded. She shifted and lit a fire in the pit between their cushions. As she did so, she continued, “Pelle has sensed his destiny for many years and his intuition has proven infallible.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dani reflected on this, “So he knew what would happen to me.” Not a question, a statement. Pelle <em>knew</em> she would become May Queen, would betray Christian, would <em>kill</em> him. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He knew you were needed here,” Siv responded pointedly. “His gift points to purpose but he is not clairvoyant, child.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So he didn’t know I would come and sentence my boyfriend to death?” Dani asked, rage beginning to simmer beneath the surface of her skin. She needed to know Pelle hadn’t manipulated her, needed to know this bond she felt with him wasn’t built on a lie. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“In America, I am told it is popular to read your horoscope, no?” Siv asked. The question came from left field and Dani’s anger towards Pelle shifted to Siv in an instant. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What does that have to do with anything? I asked if he knew I would kill Christian,” Dani spat, blood boiling. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We consult the astrological in our decision making, much like you American’s check your horoscope. We map the planetary movements and check natal charts to see the future and past of us all laid out in the stars. While Pelle’s gift told him you were needed, that you were special, he asked me to consult your natal chart to determine how you would respond to this place and what was to come. It showed you had strong signs of becoming the May Queen and that you were particularly vulnerable and open to all that the world has to give. Dani, we did not force the goddess’ will on you, only foresaw it was a distinct possibility,” Siv said, rising to come sit beside Dani, who had begun huffing angrily the longer Siv explained herself. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dani’s anger and grief and anxiety swirled around in her gut until she burst out, “So you based all this off my <em>star sign?!</em>”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Siv smiled and wrapped an arm around Dani, making her stiffen. “Were we wrong?”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dani shoved Siv’s arm off her and got up to pace the small room, a wave of restless anger driving her. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dani thought about all that had happened this past week. Her life had been flipped upside down. All that she knew and cared about back home was gone, burned in sacrificial flames, or choked out in a cloud of exhaust. What she thought she knew was no longer true and those she thought she cared about were no longer the same as they had been even a few days ago. She had been markedly altered by today’s events and Dani knew that there was no unseeing what she had seen today. At that, she absently rubbed her forehead where it had burned earlier. <em>Were</em> they wrong? If what Siv said was true, she was meant to come here, to bond with these people, with Pelle, become the May Queen, make the heinous decision to burn her boyfriend alive, and then receive… whatever she had received today. What was left for her? She couldn’t go back, not knowing what she knows now. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was too much. There were too many decisions to make, too many new things in her life. Dani cast a look at Siv, who seemed to sense what Dani was about to do, before turning and running out of the building and into the violet night. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">As she rushed out and scrambled her way towards the field Pelle had found her in earlier, Dani had a wild thought. <em>Could I keep running? Would they follow?</em></span>
</p>
<p class="p3"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">No, she decided. Even if they did follow, she couldn’t run away from what she’d just seen. It would haunt her, the same way the call she’d received that fateful winter night did, the same way Christian’s wide clear eyes now did. Fat tears welled in her eyes, blurring her vision. There was no escaping this place. It was too late. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>:( There’s still a lot of growth to be done, clearly on Dani’s part but I think from Pelle too!  We got a taste for the backstory and mysticism of the Midsommar worship in this chapter and even got to see some things from Pelle’s side (and YAY Pelle Flashback! That was definitely my favorite part of this chapter)! </p>
<p>Not sure when the next chapter will be out- shooting for Wednesday or Thursday next week!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Next chapter: They celebrate the goddess and Dani learns some things.... :)</p><p>So hope you all enjoyed! Like I said earlier, I had a great time writing this but who knows where this story is going to go. I'm running on pure instinct here! </p><p>I made Terri a bit of a touchy part of Dani's life, but I just want to say that I have a few friends who are bipolar and I know that most of them do not have behavior as exaggerated as I have made Terri. That isn't to say it's out of the ordinary, because it isn't. One of my friends, whom I love dearly, is very much as I describe Terri. I just wanted to tie together the way Dani reacts to life with the Harga with how she reacted to life before she met them. </p><p> </p><p>A few things about this chapter: I am using google translate for my Swedish (forgive me, it's all I have) and I googled some of the runes from the movie and the Elder Futhark runes they discuss in the movie and I've based the runes I mention on that.... The runes on Dani's dress when she dances under the maypole are the Raido and Dagaz runes, but they've been reversed. Which changes their meanings from Journey/Destiny (Raido) to Death and Dawn/Awareness (Dagaz) to Ending/Hopelessness. I thought that was neat, so in this chapter, Dani's dress now has the regular runes on it, symbolizing her coming journey does not have as much death and violence! Also the rune that the table is in the shape of is called Ansuz, which symbolizes Insight and Wisdom. That'll come into play in the next chapter! :)</p><p>Depending on how much I'm itching to get another chapter out of my brain, I might have chapter 2 up by Monday!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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